"Abu Abed and The Presidential Election"
Abu Abed decided to participate in the Presidential Election so he went to the Ministry of Interior to present his candidature.
The officer : "You want to become a President ! Are you Crazy!
Abu Abed : Why ? Is it a mandatory condition ?

"Abu Abed on the Wedding Night
Abu Abed just got married. He spent all the wedding night kissing his bride on again.
His bride got fed up and asked him : Don't you want anything from down ?
Abu Abed : Oh yes, please ! can you get me a pack of cigarette and one can of coke from the grocery downstairs !!

"Abu Abed Trip To Africa
Abu Steif : How was your trip to South Africa
Abu Abed : Excellent... Imagine everything they have there is really fresh ... Imagine, I was once in a South African restaurant and I asked for a glass of milk, a minute later a big fat African waitress came with an empty glass... she placed on the table and removed the top of her shirt and her bra and she filled the glass with fresh milk....
I said to myself : Thanks God, I did not ask that black tall waiter for a glass of beer...!

"Abu Abed With The President in a Helicopter"
Abu Abed was once with the president on a trip in a helicopter ...
The president asked him : If I threw 10 $ what do you think it will happen ?
Abu Abed : A poor citizen will find it and he will be happy...
The president : What about if I threw 100 $ what do you think it will happen ?
Abu Abed : Few poor citizen will find it and they will be happy...
The president : What about if I threw myself what do you think it will happen ?
Abu Abed : one citizen will find you and all the citizen of the country will be happy about it...

"Abu Abed and Mehlis"
Abu Abed : Did You hear Abu Steif that Mehlis is going back to Germany to investigate the case of his 3 months pregnant wife while he is being away from her for the last six month...? ...
Abu Steif: And with whom he is going to investigate this time ..
Abu Abed : Well, the initial investigations target the Syrian as the primary suspects of the case ...

"Abu Abed and Abu Steif in Africa"
Abu Abed and Abu Steif were once in a trip to Africa when suddenly a lion stood in front of them... Abu Abed took a big stone, threw it on the lion and started running... He then stopped and looked back and saw his friend Abu Steif still in his place ....
Abu Abed : Why are you still there Abu Steif...Why don't you run away ?
Abu Steif: And why should I run away... It was not me who threw the stone on him...?

Abu Abed to his friend Abu Steif : You know I haven't spoken a word to my wife since three months...!
Abu Steif : Why ,,,, You have had a fight with her ?
Abu Abed : No... But I don't like to interrupt her when she speak >>>!

"Abu Abed in Sahet El Hourieh"
Abu Abed and his friend Abu Steif were amongst the protester in a tent in Sahet El Hourieh...
In the middle of the night Abu Abed woke up and starting shaking Abu Steif to wake up: Abu Steif...Abu Steif wake up... and tell me what do you see.... Do you see what I see ?
Abu Steif : I can see the sky... I can see the moon... I can see the stars...!
Abu Abed : And What does this mean to you ?
Abu Steif : This means " Freedom"... This means "Souverenity"... This means " Independence"...
Abu Abed: Come on you stupid jerk... Wake up... This means "Our tent was stolen ...!"

"BIRD FLU SYMPTOMS"
You might have signs of Bird Flu if :
- If you stand in front of your wife like a small CHICKEN.
- If you feel in front of her that your WINGS ARE BROKEN.
- If you feel a FEATHER on your head when she laugh or joke with you...
- When you shake your head saying Yes to every word she tells you....
- When you feel that your wife is pulling your FEATHER every time you say something in the house.
- If you feel shy whenever you see a COCK or DUCK
In such case you should :
- Stay away from " Abu El REESH" Coffee Shop...
- Do Not Listen to " Al Dounia "REESHA" Fee Hawak" song or any of Ali Al " DEEK" songs....
- Stay away from watch any of Faten "HAMAMA " movies...
- Never buy "ALWAYS" sanitary napkins with WINGS for your wife..

"Abu Abed & Jumblat on the Judgment Day"
On the Judgment Day, Abu Abed was convicted to spend the rest of his life with an ugly very old lady..
So he took the old lady and on his way out saw, Waleed Jumblat with Haifa Wehbe, so he went upset and went back complaining : "This is not fair.... What did I do in my life to deserve that ugly old lady and Waleed Jumblat taking Haifa Wehbe... and he started shooting "This is not fair... This is not fair by all means "
The Angel said : " Take it easy Abu Abed... Why are you so upset... First of all, We did not compensate Jumblat by giving him Haifa Wehbe, As a matter of fact, Haifa was convicted and as a punishment for her, we did not find anyone uglier than Jumblat to give her to spent the rest of her life with...

"Waleed Bey on LBC"
Waleed Bey had a stomach problem, so he went to the doctor ...
After he checked him the doctor said: You have an upset stomach so you should have every day two teaspoons of honey for breakfast first thing in the morning, a plate of salad for lunch at noon and in the evening you should stop bull-shutting on LBC...!

Abu Abed went once to a hore-house and found his wife working there so he said to himself: Thanks God you saved from committing any sin today.... There is nothing better for a man than his own wife..!

"Abu Abed and "Who Wants To be The Millionaire "
After a long journey abroad, Abu Abed returned home to find his wife Em Abed pregnant.
Abu Abed : Can you explain to me how you can be pregnant if I was away for a year...?
Em Abed : You want the truth, during your absence I use to watch Georges Kerdahi TV show "Who Wants To be The Millionaire " and one night I had no choice and I had to call a friend and ask for his help....
Abu Abed : You called a friend and asked him for a help... Well I am really grateful to you and must thank you... Thanks God you did not ask for the audience help....!

"Abu Abed and The World Football Cup "
Abu Steif : Do you know Abu Abed why the Syrian did not participate in the World Football Cup this year ?
Abu Abed: Because all the Syrian Fans will support Brazil in the final game ...!

"Abu Abed and His Son Record Under Water"
Abu Abed, Abu Steif and Abu Khoder were sitting in the coffee shop chatting about their sons...
Abu Steif : Do you know that my son went once under the water in the sea for 5 minutes ...
Abu Khoder : Eh, My son stayed 30 minutes...!
Abu Abed: What is this 5 minutes and 30 minutes you are talking about, my son went under the water in the sea since over a year and he didn't come out till now ...!

"Abu Abed Working in a Sweet Shop"
Abu Abed was working in a sweet shop "Halwanji", he told his neighbor if you take off your dress I will give you a tray of 'Maamoul".. If you take off your night dress I will give you a tray of "Knefeh"...
if you take off your bra I will give you a tray of 'Baklawa".. and If you take off your underwear I will give you a tray of "Borma"...
His neighbor replied : That means until you reach what is in my mind, I will surely become diabetic...!

Abu Steif met his friend Abu Abed who got married one night before and asked him how was his wedding night and what he did with his bride...
Abu Abed replied: "Oh Man, How could I do anything with her .... Her brother is one of my best friends...!"